thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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