If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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