My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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