dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
where am i from again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
