Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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