whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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