Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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