so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
