turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
