Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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