i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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