My first STD was from a foam party
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
