You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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