My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
