Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
