..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
