I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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