Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
