Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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