good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
