Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
