Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
