shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
