I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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