i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
