Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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