i don't like sucking hair
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
