but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
