arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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