Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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