I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
