I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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