YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
