Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
