I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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