Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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