belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
