I heard we made out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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