Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
