sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
