On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Umm I'm too high to move.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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