My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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