Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
