Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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