I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
