were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
