my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize