Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
