they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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