the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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