i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize