Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
