I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
