In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
