I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
