So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is wine microwaveable?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
