Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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