Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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