Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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