Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
