Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
