just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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