Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
