The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
