What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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