This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
