Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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