so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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